Struggles of the first ski lesson
Skiing is absolutely the best sport in the world but there’s no getting around it: you’re bound to experience some embarrassment and humiliation on your very first ski holiday. Not only are you learning a whole new sport, but you’ve chosen a sport with bulky equipment which takes place on a cold, hard and very slippery surface. Don’t worry, though, your mates are there to cheer you on! Well, they’re there and they’re smiling… oh, they appear to be laughing at you. Worse luck! Here are the 12 most embarrassing moments of your first ski holiday. Can you relate to any of these excruciating memories?
Some sadistic person has placed squirrels and bunnies in an array of bright colours as a kind of sick obstacle course on the nursery slope. To top it all off, at the bottom of the slope you see yourself obliged either to take the magic carpet, which moves at a snail’s pace, or heft your skis onto your shoulders and climb the mountain in your ski boots. Nice of your friends to videotape you, isn’t it?
The outfit was certainly stylish at one point - probably in 1987. And the synthetic fibres keep shocking you every time you brush against something. On the bright side, if you get caught in an avalanche the rescuers should be able to spot you a mile away thanks to those garish colours.
Everybody says a snowplough is the best way to stop, but you have your own method: sliding on your stomach like a penguin! The worst part is when your head hits the ground and your whole being is entirely engulfed in snow. Not only do you look pathetic, but the next morning, EVERYTHING hurts!
One of the most frustrating things about learning to ski as an adult is when you see those young whippersnappers overtaking you on the slopes. Tiny little missiles, they barrel out of nowhere, blatantly displaying their superior talents to you as you struggle to string two turns together.
It’ll be easy, they said. Just dig in your heels, they said. Well, lads, easier said than done! The slope is slippery, you’ve got long wooden strips attached to your feet and there’s a buildup of ice under your ski boot. Your skis must have a mind of their own, because they insist on pointing in two opposite directions no matter how hard you fight them.
You’re a tangled ball of arms, legs and skis. A hole in the ground to sink into would be nice right about now! Oh, there’s no stopping you. Oh, you’re much too close to your ski instructor. Oh - oops. Collision.
“Excuse me, could you help me hold my spoon?” After your first morning on skis, you’ve earned your hot lunch, but since your whole body is still shaking with effort, you’re going to have to rely on outside help if you want to tuck into that bowl of soup. And you thought you were in good shape! Ha.
Every other skier and snowboarder is eagerly heading to the après-ski bars, but not you! No, you’re off to bed, leaving a trail of ski boots, ski goggles and ski poles in your wake, dropping like a stone and falling asleep the minute your head touches the pillow. 7am the next morning, the alarm rings and you notice you’re still in your ski outfit!
Trying to leap out of bed, you seem to have lost control of your limbs. Muscles sore and aching, you try rolling over and pushing yourself up that way but there’s no hope. You’ll need assistance from a few friends to get out of bed this morning. And your work’s not over yet. Is that a staircase you see looming in the distance?
Back on the slopes, you suddenly develop a fearless attitude. This simply cannot be as bad as yesterday! You throw yourself into rockin’ that nursery slope with some amazing snowploughs, if you do say so yourself. But your ego takes a bit of a hit when you bungle the rope tow for the fourth time in a row and have to be helped to your feet by the ski lift operator.
Brave enough to attempt a session of après-ski today despite your aching muscles, you meet an attractive skier and start regaling them with tales of your prowess on the slopes. Steady there, rockstar! It’s a wee bit embarrassing when the same person sees you painstakingly snowploughing your way down the nursery slope the next morning.
You had naively hoped that your friends would be spread out around the ski area enjoying themselves, without worrying about you. But as the photos and videos start to crop up on social media, you realise how wrong you were. Head in the snow, belly flopping, crashing into your ski instructor… worst of all are the comforting reassurances. “Come on, next year you’ll laugh about it!” Riiiiight.
It’s smart to choose a ski resort that’s close to home for your very first ski holidays. You might consider the small ski areas in Scotland and northern England. These have mostly rope tows and because they’re small, they are perfect for beginners. Just be sure to choose one where you can rent equipment, and be aware that some of the very small ski areas require a long hike in and are therefore not so perfect for novice skiers. Alternately, Austria, Switzerland, France and Italy have many ski resorts with an abundance of blue pistes where beginners can practise in peace!
Struggles of the first ski lesson
Skiing is absolutely the best sport in the world but there’s no getting around it: you’re bound to experience some embarrassment and humiliation on your very first ski holiday. Not only are you learning a whole new sport, but you’ve chosen a sport with bulky equipment which takes place on a cold, hard and very slippery surface. Don’t worry, though, your mates are there to cheer you on! Well, they’re there and they’re smiling… oh, they appear to be laughing at you. Worse luck! Here are the 12 most embarrassing moments of your first ski holiday. Can you relate to any of these excruciating memories?
Some sadistic person has placed squirrels and bunnies in an array of bright colours as a kind of sick obstacle course on the nursery slope. To top it all off, at the bottom of the slope you see yourself obliged either to take the magic carpet, which moves at a snail’s pace, or heft your skis onto your shoulders and climb the mountain in your ski boots. Nice of your friends to videotape you, isn’t it?
The outfit was certainly stylish at one point - probably in 1987. And the synthetic fibres keep shocking you every time you brush against something. On the bright side, if you get caught in an avalanche the rescuers should be able to spot you a mile away thanks to those garish colours.
Everybody says a snowplough is the best way to stop, but you have your own method: sliding on your stomach like a penguin! The worst part is when your head hits the ground and your whole being is entirely engulfed in snow. Not only do you look pathetic, but the next morning, EVERYTHING hurts!
One of the most frustrating things about learning to ski as an adult is when you see those young whippersnappers overtaking you on the slopes. Tiny little missiles, they barrel out of nowhere, blatantly displaying their superior talents to you as you struggle to string two turns together.
It’ll be easy, they said. Just dig in your heels, they said. Well, lads, easier said than done! The slope is slippery, you’ve got long wooden strips attached to your feet and there’s a buildup of ice under your ski boot. Your skis must have a mind of their own, because they insist on pointing in two opposite directions no matter how hard you fight them.
You’re a tangled ball of arms, legs and skis. A hole in the ground to sink into would be nice right about now! Oh, there’s no stopping you. Oh, you’re much too close to your ski instructor. Oh - oops. Collision.
“Excuse me, could you help me hold my spoon?” After your first morning on skis, you’ve earned your hot lunch, but since your whole body is still shaking with effort, you’re going to have to rely on outside help if you want to tuck into that bowl of soup. And you thought you were in good shape! Ha.
Every other skier and snowboarder is eagerly heading to the après-ski bars, but not you! No, you’re off to bed, leaving a trail of ski boots, ski goggles and ski poles in your wake, dropping like a stone and falling asleep the minute your head touches the pillow. 7am the next morning, the alarm rings and you notice you’re still in your ski outfit!
Trying to leap out of bed, you seem to have lost control of your limbs. Muscles sore and aching, you try rolling over and pushing yourself up that way but there’s no hope. You’ll need assistance from a few friends to get out of bed this morning. And your work’s not over yet. Is that a staircase you see looming in the distance?
Back on the slopes, you suddenly develop a fearless attitude. This simply cannot be as bad as yesterday! You throw yourself into rockin’ that nursery slope with some amazing snowploughs, if you do say so yourself. But your ego takes a bit of a hit when you bungle the rope tow for the fourth time in a row and have to be helped to your feet by the ski lift operator.
Brave enough to attempt a session of après-ski today despite your aching muscles, you meet an attractive skier and start regaling them with tales of your prowess on the slopes. Steady there, rockstar! It’s a wee bit embarrassing when the same person sees you painstakingly snowploughing your way down the nursery slope the next morning.
You had naively hoped that your friends would be spread out around the ski area enjoying themselves, without worrying about you. But as the photos and videos start to crop up on social media, you realise how wrong you were. Head in the snow, belly flopping, crashing into your ski instructor… worst of all are the comforting reassurances. “Come on, next year you’ll laugh about it!” Riiiiight.
It’s smart to choose a ski resort that’s close to home for your very first ski holidays. You might consider the small ski areas in Scotland and northern England. These have mostly rope tows and because they’re small, they are perfect for beginners. Just be sure to choose one where you can rent equipment, and be aware that some of the very small ski areas require a long hike in and are therefore not so perfect for novice skiers. Alternately, Austria, Switzerland, France and Italy have many ski resorts with an abundance of blue pistes where beginners can practise in peace!
Born and raised in the ski paradise of Vancouver, Canada, I learned to ski before I can remember, balancing precariously on my parents’ skis as they sailed down the hill. I started snowboarding in my teens and am now delighted to be exploring everything Europe’s ski scene has to offer!
